Overwhelmed and Underwhelmed.

Harper,

Today was exciting. I have something in the works (that I will describe to you in detail later. Hopefully by the time you're around YEARS from now, it will still be in existence. But that is beyond the point.

Today was one of the few times in the 6 months i've been out of school that I jumped back into the creative process. It was exhilarating. And i know every step of this won't be as easy, or as fun but it will be worth it. That being said, I am my own worst enemy. You know how many businesses have come and gone in my head in the last 6 months....that cost under 1000 to start? Several. I always blame it on not having the right support system, because for some reason the people that I love have to be super supportive of something for me go through with it. That ends. Sometimes you have to be your complete support system. Now im not saying I don't have anyone who believes in me. But how can I expect someone to see my vision, when its mine? Its selfish of me to want them to invest so much into something that is just a dream of mine. Friends and family (Well good friends and loving family) are supportive, but you have to be that catalyst.

Another thing I wanted to touch down on is feeling both overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time. It comes with the over achiever territory-I feel like a failure. I should be making 50K in my mind, 6 months out of college with a liberal arts degree. Although its not realistic, its what I feel. So because im not there, I feel overwhelmed with pressure to succeed. Normally I use this to my advantage to exceed my own expectations, but lately I haven't been able to do that. Im just SEVERLY underwhelmed with the job market, the kind of jobs in my field, and the lack of creativity in my field (which is crazy because media is a CREATIVE field). There are no revolutionary, we-are-going-to-change-the-world PR groups in Houston. Especially not one hiring a young, passionate, black girl with amazingly nappy hair. Its more than underwhelming, its sad. How many brilliant people are working at starbucks or in a field they don't LOVE because those doors weren't open. But ill save that for another day.

Contrary to what you might think, its okay to get the hell away sometimes. Sometimes, I feel like I have such a responsibility as a daughter, grand-daughter, cousin, friend, best friend, etc that I feel stretched thin. But then i think if I'm not the support system for my friends and family, who will be? I mean I don't like most people, but those whom I care about, I LOVE. But if i can't love myself or take the time to take care of myself, then I cannot properly care for those around me. And its okay for someone to care and love me. Sometimes the roles can be reversed. I've spent so much time protecting me from being hurt by blocking things, that now I can't believe someone when they say they love me, or they support me, or they believe in me. Never neglect what is going on with you. Trust me when I say neglecting it only makes it worse. 

I cut off my phone today and felt free. I closed my macbook and had fun (oh, its possible lol). There is so much power in your 2 lb brain that sometimes you don't need all the technology and all the busy stuff going on in the world, you literally just need you.

You will be shocked at how refreshed just taking "you" time out of your day or week to just get away can change your mindset.

So Harper, go conquer the world! (like I already know you have been) In the end, YOU are responsible for how far you go!

Until next time,
Jessika